Day 5, 5 apples, 1 counseling session

I think that I may have been suppressing some emotions by stuffing my face with food. At this point, I am having to deal with not dealing with anything. Through learning to have emotion and not just fill my mouth, I think that today may have been a great big TRAIN WRECK. Here is how it went...

I woke up this morning feeling OK. Then I opened the mail. There was a bill that I didn't know about. That started me down a LONG, DARK TUNNEL. After I went off about how my credit is being defiled, Charlie came out of his room. The cat urinated all over his jacket. Needless to say, that sent me on a tangent. I screamed, " that...is...it...all the animals GO!!! I can't deal with living in a huge CAT BOX!!!" Charlie starts crying, Madison is crying, I am crying. Mind you, it is only 8:30 a.m.. I tell everyone, "go get in the car" with my meanest mom snarl. The silence in that car could kill. Finally I say to Charlie, "I know you are mad at me. Just say it"! Charlie looks at me, his eyes filled with tears as says, "Kids can't yell at their mommies. I love you too much." REALLY. REALLY. I thought that was going to be the worst of the day. I get the kids out of the car, into school, damage is done, it's over!

I cried all the way to work. My phone is dead so I put it on the charger. After 3 hours I find that I have 4 messages, FROM THE SCHOOL.

"Hi Leah. Madison is in the nurses office...sobbing. She really needs to come home. Please call us when you get a chance. BEEP. Hi again, this is the school, again. Madison is not doing well at all. Please call as soon as you get this message. BEEP."

OMG, what have I done? So I call. "How is she doing" "Fine, she is right here. Would you like to talk to her?"

"Hi Mom". Madison is all happy...how did she get happy so quick I ask. "I went in and talked to the PRINCIPLE and SCHOOL COUNSELOR for an hour. I am feeling much better now. They said you were just having a bad mommy day. That they were sure that I didn't mean all the nasty things I said." AHHHHHHH, this is getting bad.

Next on the agenda, I had to go to the school to hear Charlie read the book he has been working on for weeks. I sit. Children read. It is finally Charlie's turn. He starts. "The title of my book is, SMOOCH, DAISY and ME."

He wrote about the dogs, that I told him that morning that I was getting rid of. He came over after and gave me a big hug and asks, "can me please keep the animals?" What was I too say except sorry that I am a total bitch that has not learned to deal with stress very well.

I am sure that you have bad mornings, but have your kids ever had to go to counseling (at 9 years old) for it? We ended all huggy and kissy, with me having to humble myself and say sorry to the little ones. They told me how much they love me and forgive me.

I finished the day with a nice long walk with again, Becky. I never knew that by doing this I would have so many other things to deal with. I am figuring out that I can't only work on myself physically. I have to work on mentally and spiritually as well. Day by day right?

I am so lucky that I have children and a husband that know I am a crazy person and still love me.