Day 1, 1 apple, 50 lbs. to go

OK, before I start, please know that this is not a "poor Leah" blog. This is my beginning to a journey long over due. You are the few, the proud, that have been chosen to be part of it with me. I hope you will come along.

Over the past few weeks I have been spending time thinking about my health. After a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have been living in constant fear. Not fear of death, but fear of not living. The truth is that I have not been. I am not living the life that I was created to live. A life of joy, peace, love and contentment. I am living a half-life. Why is it that I need to hear the word "cancer" to motivate me? Do I really need a diagnosis from a doctor to tell me that I am not going to make it if I don't fight with all my strength? The truth is, I have been given that diagnosis. I was told that I am morbidly obese. Ouch. Sure, there is no life sentence given right up front. No "you only have 2 months to live" talk, but a death sentence it is none the less.

So what if I was told that I had cancer. What would I do? Would I just give up? No way! I would fight. I would fight to live...and so I start swinging today. Today is the first day of talking about the elephant in the room. I need to loose 50 lbs. There it is... I said it. Are you still with me?

Tonight I talked to the two people I love the most. They finally told me the truth. My best friend finally said, I am worried about you. I want you to be healthier. Happier. You. Gina, thank you for loving me enough to say it. William said after all of these years that he would like me to be healthier. Happier. Me. I thought that he didn't see it. I thought that he didn't notice that I wasn't the same size as everyone else around me. Both of them told me the same thing. That they wanted to say something but they didn't want to hurt me. They both told me that they had adventures for me to go on, but I wouldn't be able to do them. Wow, that was huge. I thought it would hurt more, but it didn't. When you NEED to hear the truth, it doesn't hurt. I had already said it to myself, they just confirmed it.

So here is where you come in. I am going to blog. A LOT. I am going to tell you of my struggle and success. I am going to laugh and cry my heart out to you. I will share pictures and posts that no one else will see. Just you guys and me. I am going to ask the you tell me the truth. Not the "oh, you are beautiful just the way you are" mom shit that I have heard for years. I need you to call me out on my crap. Ask me how it is going. Read and write back. You are my accountability.

Here is something that some don't know about me, I DON'T FAIL (in public). If I know that I am going to fail, I don't tell anyone about it. Once I say to someone that I am going to do something, I HAVE TO DO IT. So, I AM going to loose 50 lbs. OK, it's out there. Are you in? Will you help me? All I need is for you to not let me give up. There are a few of you so none of you are carrying all of this one your own. Good plan right? What are the chances that all of you will tell me that it is OK quit.

Here is tomorrows plan. I am going to eat an apple a day (it keeps the doctor away, you know). I am going to walk for 20 minutes. I will start one day at a time. I Steph can fight, so can I. If my dad can try to get better, so can I. This is not a death thing... it is a life thing!