Where are you people?

OK, so you all failed miserably. I have not written in 10 days. I could have robbed a bakery at gun point and none of you would have known. The whole reason I have this blog is because I am a big loser with the determination of an ant. I need you guys to yell at me!!! Get drill Sergent on my ass. For real! I am giving you the green light to go for it but NO...not one single shout out.

Here is what I have suffered through in the last 10 days:
1) I started my period...enough said!
2) There was a snow storm that dropped 10 inches of snow on my walking loop.
3) There were 4 days of below zero temp, -10 actually.
4) I have not lost 1 oz. in a week. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost.
5) We are in full Christmas baking mode (no good for no carbohydrates)
6) ...I am not sure, but I know there must be a six somewhere. I'll have to think about it.

Besides for all that, I guess it has been a good week. I am feeling like if I only lose weight, my whole world would be a better place. Now, you and I both know that is not true. I think that if I was only 50 pounds lighter, all our problems would be fixed. So why is it that I am not doing anything this week about it? This is something I really want, yet I am not doing anything. I am trying to figure out how you enjoy walking outside when it is subzero. Would I do better with a gym membership or would that be just another thing I feel guilty about not doing? Not sure. Just a few ramblings off the top of my head.

Now the positive. When I am hungry, I am going for a protein choice instead. I am reading a book educating me on the reasons why carbohydrates are not a good choice for me. I am learning the long term effects on the choices I make now. Education is the best method...right?

HEAR ME WORDS...IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME...I NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU! THIS IS MY CRY OUTFOR HELP. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!

Day 19, 1 man, 2 dogs

What a beautiful day in Western Colorado. The sun came out just long enough for William and I to take the doggies for a walk downtown. It is so much fun to see him get on board for all of this. The dogs are much happier, so I am.

I am having a hard time getting over the munchies. I feel like my jaw needs more exercise. It needs to be chewing. Maybe gum would help. I am doing great with exercising everyday, but the munchies are getting to me. Any suggestions?

Walking the mall

I just found the most wonderful spot to walk in the morning. Here in Fruita, it is getting quite cold. Finding a way to walk when it is 20 degrees outside it tough to come by. This morning I dicided to go to the mall. The stores are closed but the doors are open. I also learned that there is a following of people who do this. Very smart and very warm. After about 10 minutes, I had to take off a layer of clothes. I popped on my headset and off I went. 45 minutes at a pretty good clip should have made that about a 2.5 mile morning.

So, if you are looking for a spot...there is my TIP OF THE DAY!

Day 16, 1 slice of pie, 0.5 lbs down

Well, I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised. I did not loose much, but I did loose. I am down another .5 lb. That puts me at 44 more pounds to go. It could have been better for sure...but trust me it could have been MU CH WORSE! They say that the average person gains 10 pounds during the holidays. I have never settled for average before. I will definitely not be average this year. Back to the real workouts that were giving the good results. Holiday is over...back on my head!

Where have I been.

Forgive me, Blogger, for I have sinned. It has been 4 days since my last confession. It has been a crazy few days, I am sure that you all have felt it too.
Thanksgiving, I got up and went for a nice long bike ride before dinner. I have to say, this is the first Thanksgiving that I have not felt stuffed after. I had a little of everything, a bite or two. I did have a slice of pumpkin pie. Not a bad day over all.
Black Friday, up at 2:30 am to shop. I had an Egg Mc Muffin. I know what you are thinking. I see it now. It was a bad choice. I did not walk my 20 minutes, but I did shop for 7 hours walking fast to beat all the other moms to the sales. I stayed the night at a hotel with the kids for a mini vacation. I had a turkey wrap for dinner. Felt OK about those choices too.
Saturday, Mitten tree for GS. Went for a short walk. Not my 20 minutes, again.
And that puts me too today. I did have the munchies. I ate some cheese-it's. I think that is all I have to get off my chest. It was a little bad, but not as bad as it has been in the past.
Tomorrow morning is the weigh in. I am not really excited about it. I am a bit worried. We are on week two with Thanksgiving weekend in the middle. We will see...

Day 9, 20 laps, 3 arm bands

It is hard to find time to walk. It shouldn't be that hard, I just don't make time for it. If I wanted to watch my favorite show, my schedule would be open. It is true that if something matters you will make it happen. Getting on the scale today and seeing 5 lbs less, it matters now! I am so proud of myself. I am the most proud that it is day 9 and I am still going. I know that sounds lame, but I have started this thing a million times. I will go strong for about 5 days and then I get over it.
There are people who have too low self esteem. I have to high. Because I have always thought that I had a pretty face, I let it go. Because I could dress fashionable, I would let it go. I rationalised that since I could still shop in a regular store...I could let it go. I can't anymore. I can't let this go. Don't let me.

Tonight, I had to make it happen but my regular plan was all off. William is working until 11 tonight. The kids needed to take baths and it was dark already. I am not comfortable walking at night alone. I started to think again, "one night off...not big deal." IT IS! So, I put the kids in the bath and got myself ready. I put on some gloves and headphones. Off I went, around my little culdesack. 20 times I went, singing "Dancing Queen". 20 times around where the light from the house could be seen. 20 times around where I could see the kids. 20 times around thinking to myself. I AM DOING IT!

Tonight I added tension bands once I got home. I could feel it in my arms after the second pull. Good sign that it has been to long since those muscles worked. I also added 5 new friends to my mailing list. I promised myself that every 5 lbs down, I would add 5 more accountability partners. Thank you for cheering me on. I need you guys more than you know.

Day 9, 5,5 lbs down, 44.5 to go

I did my weigh in this morning and I am down, DRUM ROLL PLEASE, 5 1/2 lbs! Can you believe that? It hasn't been that bad. Sure, I sent my children into a few down-ward-shame-spirals. I have flown of the handle a couple of times. But that is a small price to pay for such a huge reward. What should be my 5 lb. gift? A car? OK, to big at this point. How about a sugar-free coffee at Starbucks. I think that is. I will drive to work with a foaming cup of glory.

5 1/2 down, 44 1/2 to go....

Day 8, 4 friends, 1 book club

It has been a wonderful weekend filled with family and friends. I have had time with Madison getting our hair done. Friend Friday with Becky doing Thanksgiving shopping. Saturday cooking for a teachers meeting. Sunday dinner with good food and good friends. Tonight was our book club. We just finished reading "The Red Tent". It is such a wonderful story of friendship and sisterhood. I don't know who I would be without my sister, both born or my mom and those who were not. I marvel at the stories and lessons I learn from the women in my life.

Back to business...I have done my best to make good choices. Taken my walks (less Friday night) as promised. I have to admit that I have not gone above or beyond, but I am sticking with it. I even left food on my plate tonight. I don't know when I left food on my plate last.

I am so blessed to have a great support team behind me. Tomorrow is weigh in day. I will be posting that. I am worried that I will not have dropped a pound. Will that make me a failure for this week? In my eyes, it might. I am not sure. I just know that I am I am going to be naked and will have just emptied my bladder.

Hemps hearts for breakfast

What a difference a few years makes. 10 years ago, I used to smoke hemp...now I am eating it.

Thanks to the love of my best friend, I have tons of new goodies to try. I have to say that most of the stuff I am eating now, I never would have. There is bread, that really is not bready...but good. Crackers that are like crackers, but are not...still good though. I have put all of "my food" on the bottom shelf. This way, I know not to even look anywhere else. It has made it much easier for me. I have also realized that I am one of those people who opens that cabinets and fridge about 100 times a day. I think that it is like a magicians box. "If I open in again in 10 minutes...POOF...something else will be in there." I think that I have always done this. When I go to my moms house, I always look in her pantry. When did this habit start? Not sure, but I know when it stopped...6 DAYS AGO!

Day 6, no appl es, 1 care package

I ran out of apples but I did get an awesome care package in the mail. I am so tired tonight that I can't even type. I ate good, walked good... need to sleep amazing. Thanks Gina for the goodies in the mail. It made my day to know that you are thinking about me.

Day 5, 5 apples, 1 counseling session

I think that I may have been suppressing some emotions by stuffing my face with food. At this point, I am having to deal with not dealing with anything. Through learning to have emotion and not just fill my mouth, I think that today may have been a great big TRAIN WRECK. Here is how it went...

I woke up this morning feeling OK. Then I opened the mail. There was a bill that I didn't know about. That started me down a LONG, DARK TUNNEL. After I went off about how my credit is being defiled, Charlie came out of his room. The cat urinated all over his jacket. Needless to say, that sent me on a tangent. I screamed, " that...is...it...all the animals GO!!! I can't deal with living in a huge CAT BOX!!!" Charlie starts crying, Madison is crying, I am crying. Mind you, it is only 8:30 a.m.. I tell everyone, "go get in the car" with my meanest mom snarl. The silence in that car could kill. Finally I say to Charlie, "I know you are mad at me. Just say it"! Charlie looks at me, his eyes filled with tears as says, "Kids can't yell at their mommies. I love you too much." REALLY. REALLY. I thought that was going to be the worst of the day. I get the kids out of the car, into school, damage is done, it's over!

I cried all the way to work. My phone is dead so I put it on the charger. After 3 hours I find that I have 4 messages, FROM THE SCHOOL.

"Hi Leah. Madison is in the nurses office...sobbing. She really needs to come home. Please call us when you get a chance. BEEP. Hi again, this is the school, again. Madison is not doing well at all. Please call as soon as you get this message. BEEP."

OMG, what have I done? So I call. "How is she doing" "Fine, she is right here. Would you like to talk to her?"

"Hi Mom". Madison is all happy...how did she get happy so quick I ask. "I went in and talked to the PRINCIPLE and SCHOOL COUNSELOR for an hour. I am feeling much better now. They said you were just having a bad mommy day. That they were sure that I didn't mean all the nasty things I said." AHHHHHHH, this is getting bad.

Next on the agenda, I had to go to the school to hear Charlie read the book he has been working on for weeks. I sit. Children read. It is finally Charlie's turn. He starts. "The title of my book is, SMOOCH, DAISY and ME."

He wrote about the dogs, that I told him that morning that I was getting rid of. He came over after and gave me a big hug and asks, "can me please keep the animals?" What was I too say except sorry that I am a total bitch that has not learned to deal with stress very well.

I am sure that you have bad mornings, but have your kids ever had to go to counseling (at 9 years old) for it? We ended all huggy and kissy, with me having to humble myself and say sorry to the little ones. They told me how much they love me and forgive me.

I finished the day with a nice long walk with again, Becky. I never knew that by doing this I would have so many other things to deal with. I am figuring out that I can't only work on myself physically. I have to work on mentally and spiritually as well. Day by day right?

I am so lucky that I have children and a husband that know I am a crazy person and still love me.

Day 4, 4apples, 10 girls

Just as an FYI to my last post... I made it over the sugar hurdle. I did give in an have a smoke (or two) and about a pot of coffee. I know what you are thinking, "Leah, smoking and caffeine are not good for you." Really people, that is the least of my worries right now! I did not get here by smoking on occasion and Starbucks! Everywhere in the office I look, there are candy jars. Let me let you in on another secret. SHHHHHH, Christians are caffeine and carb-aholics. This is the socially acceptable drug of our time. I think that is the way the the devil is infiltrating the church... through peanut butter cups and coffee. That sneaky bastard.

Moving on...

Tonight is the night that I have 10 girls over to my house for a study. We were celebrating the finish of our series. They were snacking and talking, watching a movie, being girls. All I could think about was, "it is going to be so late and cold to walk when they leave. That's OK, I don't have to walk, I did oldies this morning." After just 4 days, I was talking myself out of my 20 minute a night commitment. Then, thank God, the little angel on the other shoulder said, "Leah, they are watching a movie...GO WALK." And so I did. In my jammies (it was a jammie party) with the dogs and tonight's friend, Becky. I wanted to stop at 2 fruit loops but Becky talked me out of that too. I am so weak-sauce.

I made a wonderful vegetable soup. I always heard that it is expensive to eat healthy. I made this great soup for $5.00 total. Cabbage, carrots, green beans, garlic, chicken broth, and lots of goodness. I think I can live off of this soup for a week...it is soooo good. A cup really fills you up. Soup is such a nice winter comfort food. I brought some into work today to share. I have a few other people who are jumping on the "Let's Get Healthy Express". Punks, now I can't quit. I can't let the people I am inspiring do better than me. The teacher never let's the students pass then during the school year. No way my friends... you are never going to beat me.

Dear Lord, if you won't make me thin... please make my friends fat. Just kidding, no I'm not... yes I am... no really.. kidding... not...you'll never know...heeee hee heee

Must have sugar or a gun!!!

So I am feeling it right now. I am wanting to take down a whole cake or something sweet. I should be all inspired, day 5 of no sugar, and all the crap...BUT I AM NOT! I also have not had a cigarette in 5 days. Now, I don't smoke a lot. I can have a pack and it will last me for a month. There are times of stress when I do tend to smoke more. I feel like this is one of those moments. I guess that is why I have this blog right? So you can know what it is like to be right now... well it sucks!

To top it all off, I have to go to a disfunctional Girl Scout meeting. Here is an FYI for you...not all Girl Scouts are nice. In fact, they are quite mean. Really mean at times. This is not the cute little girls selling cookies that I am talking about. IT IS THIER MOMS.

OK, I feel better... thanks for helping me through that!

Sweatin' in the morning

There is nothing better than getting up bright and early (well, 7:30), putting on your shoes and working it out. This morning I ran into an old friend of mine. This guy always made me smile as a kid. I remember seeing him running in his little striped shorts, changing lives everywhere he went. That's right...RICHARD SIMMONS.

When I first started, it was just Dick and I. Slowly they came out one by one. By the time I was nice an sweaty, I had two other little dancers with me. I don't remember what I thought the first time I saw Richard Simmons but imagine it had to be like Charlie's and Madison's. They laughed. He would make these sounds that Charlie would try to copy. Too funny and too much fun!

William was the last to rise. He said "I didn't know there was a party out here I was missing." He grabbed the camera to capture this moment of morning bliss with mommy, kids and Richard. What will the day have to hold with so much already done?

At the end of the video you saw how much weight all these people have lost. They range from 10-300lbs. How inspiring. No wonder everyone loves "Sweatin To The Oldies".

Day 3, 3 apples, 4 fruit loops

I am hoping since I post this post it will go to the top of the line. The evil plan is that you will not go down to the next one and see all the stats I put out. It didn't hurt that bad. I guess there is nowhere to go but up, right?

William and I went for our walk. It was beautiful outside, cold but beautiful. There is no moon tonight so you can see the stars really clear. When it is that quiet outside, it makes it easy to talk. There were no distractions for us. A time to reflect on the day.

Ending the night with a movie and water. I love this water bottle. It makes me feel sexy. Can that be? Can a water bottle make me feel sexy? This one does. It is red and metal. It is the hot rod of water bottles. Everyone needs a hot rod...

OMG...here I go

OK, I can't believe that I am about to do this. Most women won't tell you how old they are. I am about to go where very few women go... my stats. I have to say that they are much worse than I thought. Here they are:

Age:32
Height: 5'4"
Weight: 217.5 lbs
Upper arm: 14"
Breast: 46"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 53"
Thigh: 27"

Well, moving on from there. (It is as if I just dropped all of my clothes onto the floor and I am standing totally naked in front of you.) I made it through some big challenges today. Pastors meetings always involves food. This one was PIZZA. Are you hearing me??? PIZZA!!! I went and picked up a salad. This salad was funkalicious for sure. It was a spring mix with mandarin oranges, red peppers, portobello mushrooms, corn and a little goat cheese. No dressing. Just a tad balsamic vinegar. It was way too big so I gave half to a friend before I ever started eating. I know that carbs are not my friend, but I feel like grown carbs are better than processed carbs. Any impute on that lunch? Good choice? Could be better?

I am off to walk. It is freezing outside. No excuses. Tonight my companions will be the dogs and William. I think this whole thing may have opened his eyes to a little weight gain on his part too. He even weighed himself. I am not telling, but I think it was as much of a shocker for him as my 27" thigh was for me!

How to post a comment

I think you are going to have to set up a google account to be able to comment. If you want to just send it to my e-mail you can too. I will cut and paste the good ones. I think it will just be fun being able to follow them all together. Thanks for the happy thoughts!

Day 2, 2 apples, 3 fruit loops

Recap for day 2.

It started off a little strange. I had no idea what to have for breakfast, lunch or dinner. It is amazing when you have to think about what to eat, I realized how little thought I have been giving it for years. So off to the store I went. I had my game plan (ala Gina) in hand. Grabbed my apples (one a day :)) and headed home. An egg white omelet with a piece of turkey bacon wasn't as bad as I anticipated. My apple was a joy to chew. It was a new variety that I had never tasted. I had to share a bite with everyone in the house, core went to Ruby the Guinea Pig.

The next big hurdle was lunch. On Sunday after church, a trip to a fast food place is always expected by the children. Not today! I have been advised that fast food is "never to happen". So we passed the Golden Arches with our little faces to the window. Wow, dodged that bullet.

After standing in my closet for a while, I decided to PURGE! Anything that did not bring me joy had to go. I don't need stuff weighing my down. There are going to be some happy chubby chicks at the Fruita Thrift Store this week, let me tell you! While I was going through all of my clothes, I found some things that I have saved thinking "I will fit into those again someday." Those went too. Why loose pounds to fit into OLD CLOTHES? If they are gone, I will have to go SHOPPING. Some of you may know this about me, some may not. I am secretly a "fashionista". I love clothes! Shopping is one of my favorite passed times. This last week I found the most wonderful store called Polaks. I would buy one of everything in there if I could fit into them. The fabrics, colors, style...it is a store created just for me. So away all the old crap went out the door. I did find a few pair of goal pants. The picture above is of my pants now, goal pants 1 and final result pants. I think it is a fun picture.

I also took my first 20 minute walk around the track behind my house that we call the "Fruit Loop". The dogs ran with such joy. Daisy was dressed like a fairy. She went from bush to bush like a little pixie. Smootch barked at all the dogs trapped in their backyards. It was as if he was asking "don't you wish your mommy was cool like mine, taking me for a walk"? Becky came along to keep me company. William stood at the back fence cheering us on. 3 times around in 20 minutes. Tomorrow we will shoot for 4.

On the agenda for tomorrow, the weigh in... dun, dun, dun. I am also going to be taking measurements. Those will be posted tomorrow night. I am just as excited as you are...

Woke up with a hangover

I feel like that episode of friends where Rachel, in a drunken stupor, leaves Ross a voice mail saying the she is "over him". She sees Ross and thinks that she had a dream about him. Right them he says, "Rachel...I have a message from you". All at once she remembers everything and jumps on him trying to get the phone out of his hand. Too late. He has heard everything.

I woke up this morning with an honesty hangover. I have no idea what to eat. What to wear. What to do next. I just know that I told you that I had to do something and you are cheering for me. William said first thing" Good Morning, what do you want for breakfast and what is your plan". I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I HAVE NO PLAN!!! I don't even have the apples for my apple a day stunt. OH CRAP...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

10:00 am, already a bit overwhelmed but I will make it through (right?).

Day 1, 1 apple, 50 lbs. to go

OK, before I start, please know that this is not a "poor Leah" blog. This is my beginning to a journey long over due. You are the few, the proud, that have been chosen to be part of it with me. I hope you will come along.

Over the past few weeks I have been spending time thinking about my health. After a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer, I have been living in constant fear. Not fear of death, but fear of not living. The truth is that I have not been. I am not living the life that I was created to live. A life of joy, peace, love and contentment. I am living a half-life. Why is it that I need to hear the word "cancer" to motivate me? Do I really need a diagnosis from a doctor to tell me that I am not going to make it if I don't fight with all my strength? The truth is, I have been given that diagnosis. I was told that I am morbidly obese. Ouch. Sure, there is no life sentence given right up front. No "you only have 2 months to live" talk, but a death sentence it is none the less.

So what if I was told that I had cancer. What would I do? Would I just give up? No way! I would fight. I would fight to live...and so I start swinging today. Today is the first day of talking about the elephant in the room. I need to loose 50 lbs. There it is... I said it. Are you still with me?

Tonight I talked to the two people I love the most. They finally told me the truth. My best friend finally said, I am worried about you. I want you to be healthier. Happier. You. Gina, thank you for loving me enough to say it. William said after all of these years that he would like me to be healthier. Happier. Me. I thought that he didn't see it. I thought that he didn't notice that I wasn't the same size as everyone else around me. Both of them told me the same thing. That they wanted to say something but they didn't want to hurt me. They both told me that they had adventures for me to go on, but I wouldn't be able to do them. Wow, that was huge. I thought it would hurt more, but it didn't. When you NEED to hear the truth, it doesn't hurt. I had already said it to myself, they just confirmed it.

So here is where you come in. I am going to blog. A LOT. I am going to tell you of my struggle and success. I am going to laugh and cry my heart out to you. I will share pictures and posts that no one else will see. Just you guys and me. I am going to ask the you tell me the truth. Not the "oh, you are beautiful just the way you are" mom shit that I have heard for years. I need you to call me out on my crap. Ask me how it is going. Read and write back. You are my accountability.

Here is something that some don't know about me, I DON'T FAIL (in public). If I know that I am going to fail, I don't tell anyone about it. Once I say to someone that I am going to do something, I HAVE TO DO IT. So, I AM going to loose 50 lbs. OK, it's out there. Are you in? Will you help me? All I need is for you to not let me give up. There are a few of you so none of you are carrying all of this one your own. Good plan right? What are the chances that all of you will tell me that it is OK quit.

Here is tomorrows plan. I am going to eat an apple a day (it keeps the doctor away, you know). I am going to walk for 20 minutes. I will start one day at a time. I Steph can fight, so can I. If my dad can try to get better, so can I. This is not a death thing... it is a life thing!